I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
