dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize