Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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