Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
