forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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