guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize