Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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