are you still at the devil's house?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
