I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
