walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm passing your future prison.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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