She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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