I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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