1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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