This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
