I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
