I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
