if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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