just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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