If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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