omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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