Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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