well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Randomize
