ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
