Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize