I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
