now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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