Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
