I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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