New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
