yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
