Christians are straight up FREAKS
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
