K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
