Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
