You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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