I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
