he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
