ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drake has all the answers
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
