went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
