She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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