end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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