I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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