Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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