Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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