id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
