We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize