question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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