dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
