he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
