SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
