I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
