i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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