i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
