11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
