winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
