you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize