I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
