Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
