he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
