remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
