You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize