When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
