I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
