We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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