my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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